Self Tanner: The Anti-Orange Movement


As summer is coming to an end and fall is creeping around the corner, our sun-kissed skin is coming to a close fade. Now not all of us, but most prefer a nice glistening glow throughout the year. Shamelessly, I can tell you that during the winter months I am so pale that some go running the other direction or perhaps relate me to Robert Pattinson minus the vampire-esque sparkly vibes (no offense Rob, unlike me you pull off the pale look). Ever since high school I took a detour to “Tan Land” and tried every lotion, every mousse, and every wipe imaginable and with complete immersion, I came out each time looking like an Oompa Loompa with racing streaks for evidence of the night before. I always knew when my application was bad because the moment I walked downstairs and said hello to my family,  my mother would say “OH! What the heck happened to you?!” and my dad laughed maniacally as I stood there looking like a humanized Slim Jim.

I would like to tell you that after many application errors and mishaps that I learned my lesson once I reached my college years but sadly, I was spotty and streak-ified. Let’s take a look at Tuesday night, I applied my favorite self tanner (which is labeled below) and I rushed through the entire application before bed. Recklessly, I went to bed with not a worry in my mind until I woke up in the morning and the palm of my hands held a surprise for me.


Did I develop a birthmark overnight? Did a highlighter leak in my hands? The answer to that is NO, I neglected to wash my hands after application resulting in a rookie mistake. As someone who has experienced all the flaws of fake bake, let me provide you a quick do’s and don’ts list.


Exfoliate skin
Shave prior to application (preferably the night before)
Cleanse skin then pat dry
Use a tanning mitt for application (they come cheap on Amazon)
Apply with CARE
Wash hands IMMEDIATELY after application


Speed through application (you know who you are)
Apply to rough, patchy skin
Apply to wet skin

Now, here are a couple products that I promise will give you the glow you’ve been waiting for without looking like a cheeto, carrot, Jersey Shore extra….the list goes on.

Tanceuticals Self Tanner: CC Self Tanning Body Lotion

My dear, precious Tanceuticals…oh, how you have given me hope and utter joy. This product was found on a whim after endless frustration and searching. This company provides a product that gives the user a warm, natural looking glow that doesn’t make the knees morph into oranges. It is important for me to note that the application of this product needs to be done with care and on a once every other week basis otherwise it can go orange. There is plenty of room for payoff with this product and miraculously, one bottle goes a long way.
Awarded the #1 Self Tanner for 2017 by, it provides a whiff of coconut with no harmful parabens or mineral oil. Unlike other tanning products, this lotion will moisturize and bring your skin back to life, quite literally.
Offered in light, medium, or dark.
PLUS: Cruelty Free
Purchase here for $26.95 (currently on sale).


Jergens Natural Glow Moisturizer

Okay, you have more than likely seen this product listed everywhere as “reliable” or “worthy” of your precious tanning time. This particular product is as natural as it gets for self tanning, besides using the large, flaming fireball in the sky. The smell is tolerable, the lotion is light and moisturizing and the application is gradual enough without being a completely noticeable transformation. After each shower, I apply this product on generously and let it dry for about 5 minutes. This has been the one product I have used since high school and it has never let me down, or stained my ego…if you know what I mean.
Awarded the “Best of Beauty” award in 2016 by Allure, it is offered in “Fair to Medium” or “Medium to Dark”.
Purchase here for $11.99 on Amazon for the best price.



St. Tropez: Self Tan Classic Bronzing Lotion

I have never been to St. Tropez before but after using this bronzing lotion, I swam with the dolphins, sipped on a sweet drink by the pool and was fed grapes by the cabana boy. This product was purchased strictly as a splurge item and is the gold within the hidden tanning treasure chest. I have spoken with friends and family who have all given this lotion 5 stars unanimously without hesitation and I couldn’t agree more. Warm and glistening, their bronzing lotion lasts up to 10 days and dries quickly (leaving 4-8 hours for development). Sick of being at home? Yearn for a trip this weekend? Then look no further than tried and true, St. Tropez.

Purchase here for $42.00 on their home site.


Photo Credit: Walmart

Photo Credit: St. Tropez

Photo Credit: Amazon

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